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1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. 

2. A will is a dead giveaway. 

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. 

4. A backward poet writes inverse. 

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. 

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in  motion. 

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. 

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. 

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. 

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart. 

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 

14. Local Area Network in Australia :  The LAN down under. 

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 

16. A calendar's days are numbered. 

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint  mine. 

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat. 

19.  He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 

20. A  plateau is a high form of flattery. 

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large. 

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 

23. When  you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. 

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine. 

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. 

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. 

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. 

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done. 

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet 

Note:  No trees were killed in the sending of  this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.


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